I thought that getting through the day of the surgery was going to be the toughest part of that week. That once surgery was over there was no way I was ever going to feel that afraid, worried or heartbroken again. I thought that following surgery we could begin being hopeful and optimistic that everything was going to be OK. But I found the next few days really difficult and a lot of new fear and worries arose. By the time Maisie made it back to the ward her face had retuned to its normal colour and she looked so beautiful. She seemed peaceful as she dozed in and out of sleep holding onto her bedtime bear. But as the evening continued she started to become unsettled. Unable to move due to the epidural and other various wires that were attached to her, the only part of her that had full freedom were her eyes. They darted around the room until they found mine and then they stilled. As she lay there so still, letting out weak moans with no expression on her face she looked trapped.