Raising Maisie May

Sometimes, when things are hard and seeming hopeless, its difficult to see beyond what you are facing, like things will never change and it will never get better. I've been there many times over the past year and its a dark and scary place. But, there is a little saying that I've told myself a hundred times since becoming a mother and I know I will tell myself it a hundred times more over the coming years, and its this..."this too shall pass." Because nothing lasts forever. On the morning of Tuesday 14th November I woke with a sense of disbelief. I couldn't quite believe that we had reached this day, that it had come, it was here and we were about to live it. Just another day to most people I'm sure, but to us it was a day that was so significant, so defining, and so important to Maisie's' journey and her life. Today was to be the end. Today was to be her last chemotherapy treatment.   I woke her from her slumber that morning and I held her ...

Seasons are a marker of time. They are a sign of change, growth, of giving way to new life, and a comfort in knowing that as one season ends another one simply begins. As our summer came to an end so did the warm days, the long bright nights and the fully blossomed trees, giving way to cooler temperatures, different colours and a promise that things were going to be different. I was hoping that as the leaves of summer began to change, crisp and fall away, so would the isolation and restrictions of chemotherapy. You see, this new season was promising more than cool cosy nights with Autumn coloured leaves. For us, it was signalling the beginning of the end of Maisie's treatment. We started the month of October counting down in single figures the weeks we had left to endure this way of life, hoping with all of our might that we would reach that final day. So with this being our focus and me having the good old saying of "when life gives you lemons, make lemo...

When I think of sunny summer days I think of going to the beach to build sandcastles, to splash in the sea, to eat ice cream and soggy 'sand'wiches. I think of days at Port enjoying the excitement of the amusements, strolling the promenade and having salty chips by the sea. I think of long, warm evenings in the garden having a BBQ with lots of friends and family, playing in the paddling pool and finding comfort and joy in each others company. I think of hopping on a plane and jetting off on an adventure to see the wonder and curiosity in my childs eyes at her new surroundings, relaxing and soaking up the rays as well as the quality time together that holidays bring. These are all the things I had dreamt of for our summer together, all the things I envisioned our little girl to enjoy and experience for the first time. But they were to remain just that. Dreams, visions, desires; none of which would be our reality. People have often said to me how strong I have been throughou...

"Like a wild flower; she spent her days allowing herself to grow, not many knew of her struggle, but eventually; all knew of her light." Nikki Rowe.   Until Maisie had a two week break from chemotherapy, I had never realised that I actually didn't know my own daughter. Not really, not the true little person she was. The Maisie I had come to know and love over the past year had been living with a secret struggle that noone knew about. Hindsight makes it easy to see that all those endless days and weeks that she spent crying, squirming and pulling her little legs up to her chest were not because of colic, silent reflux, constipation or any other 'normal' baby condition that we could blame. She wasn't just an unhappy, restless and irritable baby like we all thought, this wasn't just 'her wee way'. Unbeknown to everyone, this was cancer. All this time she had been fighting against the odds, trying to grow and develop while a cancerous tumour i...