Raising Maisie May

Every morning when I lift Maisie from her cot to change her nappy, I excitedly pull open the buttons of her baby-grow to free her warm little legs. I kiss her feet and tickle her thighs to see the smiles appear and the dimple creep onto her cheek. But this particular morning I wasn't so eager. I didn't want to see her beautiful naked skin stretched out in an odd shape on her side, covering the thing that was making itself a home inside her body. When I did see it that morning it seemed larger and more prominent and all those thoughts I had been trying to keep at bay came crashing to the forefront of my mind. My instinct, (us mothers definitely have one), was telling me that this is very serious and more sinister than what we thought. I tried to keep myself busy while I waited for the doctors surgery to open so I decided to bath Maisie. When I looked at her happy little face and the way she was splashing so care free in the water and blowing raspberries, it seemed so surreal t

If only my only worry that day was going to be how I would get through an entire day without seeing my baby. On Monday 3rd April I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock for the first time in 9 months,(and no I don't mean my little human alarm clock that cries for her morning bottle). It was time for me to return to work and I was in bits. It was with a heavy heart and full on tears and snots that I had left Maisie with her granny the night before in order to start my first day back at work fresh and ready. I had thought that with all the anxiety and worries I had about returning to work and being able to step back into a role that didn't involve singing nursery rhymes and changing dirty nappies, that most of my worries about Maisie would be singing a soft tune in the background. But I was wrong. For the most part of the day I found myself wandering about aimlessly not knowing quite what to do with myself. I felt like I had completely forgot how to work, like all my previou