Going through this cancer process with Maisie can at times be very isolating. We are restricted to where we can go, what we can do and who we can be around. Simple everyday things that we all take for granted are such a challenge for us and it can feel at times like we are missing out on so much while the rest of the world are moving along without us. I constantly see families going out for little adventures to the forest or zoo, going for coffee dates with their friends and little ones, having play dates at the park and creating wonderful and happy memories with their babies, and it secretly crushes me. As a mother it hurts to know that while other babies are out exploring the soft and cool feeling of sand between their toes, my little girl is at home playing with a bucket and spade and make believe sand. While other children are playing outdoors and getting dirt under their nails my baby is indoors playing with toys that have been cleaned with Dettol. The one that gets me the most is that while other children are playing with their friends in the park my little girl is watching them from the other side of the fence, she is always on the outside looking in. She isn't getting the chance to wake up everyday and to just be like any other child, instead, she has to fight cancer. Everyday she has to fight against the effects chemotherapy is having on her body, she has to live in a chemo bubble for her own protection, everyday she wakes she is fighting for her life. Her childhood has been stolen from her and it breaks my heart. It worries me that when we look back at what should have been a wonderful and magical stage of her development and her little life, the only memories we will have will be of the pain that Maisie endured, the days of relentless tears and the syringes of medicine and chemo that were pumped into her body every week. That even all the 'good' days that she has managed will be tainted.
So, with all these thoughts in my head, I was completely taken back when we were contacted by Delwyn Smith. Del is an amazing photographer and got in touch with us after hearing about Maisie's cancer battle through a friend of ours and reading about her journey. He very kindly and selflessly offered us a chance to come and get some photos taken of Maisie in the hope that we could create and capture some happy moments to cherish. Like I said, I was completely blown away by his generosity and thoughtfulness, I was overwhelmed and as my husband likes to remind me, I was for once rendered speechless.
At the time when he contacted us it was approaching Maisie's first birthday and we were unsure if we were going to be able to celebrate it or not. At the start of the year I had begun to think about the lovely party I was going to have for my beautiful girls big day and now it seemed like nothing more than a pipe dream, another thing Maisie would miss out on. So we decided for the photo shoot to do a 'cake smash' idea as a way to mark her birthday. This worked out perfectly because Del's wife is a talented baker and made Maisie the most beautiful cake for it. (She also made extra cupcakes for us to take home...they were delicious).
They say 'never work with animals or children', but on the day of the photo shoot we had both and Del made it look so easy. He was so calm, patient, prepared and very easy going. I have to say we had so much fun during that hour and Maisie was in her element. She was full of smiles and giggles and I relished watching her enjoy herself. She was timid with the cake to start with, touching the icing and feeling it between her fingers but she soon got stuck in. Both hands went in and then they went around her face, hair and dress. She loved it.
Watching her there smashing up the cake, full of smiles, getting messy and having fun was a reminder of the little girl that is in there. Despite everything she has to deal with she tries everyday to smile her way through it, she fights through the pain and tiredness and she gives us everything she has. Yes its true that Maisie is too young to understand that her life shouldn't be this way, she doesn't realise everything she is missing out on but as her mother, I do. I only want the best life possible for Maisie, I want her to have all the good things life has to offer, I want her to have fond memories of her childhood, to have photos to look back on and to see that she was a happy and joyful little girl who was loved beyond measure. To know that even through the darkest of times we as a family made the most of the situation we were in, we tried to give her little bits of 'normality' where we could and we did everything we could to ensure she was happy. And for me, that's what these photos do. I know in years to come I wont look back on these and be reminded of the little girl who was fighting cancer, the little girl who had very little hair on her head due to the chemo robbing her of it, the little girl whose real personality was hidden under cancers black shadow. What I will see is the most beautiful baby who has the biggest bluest eyes that sparkle when she smiles, whose smile is infectious and full of craftiness and joy, a little girl who has brought so much love and happiness to my life, who has made my heart break in a thousand pieces but who also makes it whole. These photos are beyond beautiful and capture the true essence of Maisie. They will always remind me of a fun filled hour where cancer was a second thought and where she was like every other child of her age. She was care free, happy, and making a complete and utter mess.
Del didn't ask me to write about this or to mention him in anyway, but I just want him to know how truly grateful and appreciative I am to him and his wife for their thoughtfulness and genuine kindness. It means the world to me that he saw what Maisie was going through and he wanted to do something to put a smile on her face. I will be forever thankful.
You can find Del on Facebook at Del Smith Photography and you can also find his wife's page at Cupcakes & Sprinkles.
Wendy.
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